My name means War, but…


I come in peace so I can sleep peacefully.
My favorite rapper is Sir Loin, the Bovine.
My second favorite? M.C. Pee Pants, yo.
Word? Sure. Huh? Uhhh. EL. Eh? What? Oh my God! It’s
EL! “OH MY GOODNESS!” Who said that, because it
wasn’t me, bae. Also, don’t call me bae. That’s
down and to the left, like a slider. Easy, Ba…
El! Remember that movie with Mel Gibson?
What was it called? Oh yeah: Were Were Soldiers. Once
we were men – now we bring the Reign. We have freed
our turquoise and gold lady from her feline
shackles. Catsup. Dogs down. High five, fellow knight.
Let’s take a knee and say a few Our Fathers.
Holy Mary, mother of God: pray for us.
Horus and Osiris are standing guard like
LeBron and Magic Johnson. Twenty-three and
thirty two. Remember Pete Maravich? He
was called The Pistol. Have you heard of him? No?
Unacceptable. He was a legend to…


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