I’ve never seen a prettier face than yours.


“Why would you want to stay here?” the woman asked.
I shrugged. “What can I say? I like you. I don’t

normally like people I meet. Even the
attractive women make me cringe most of the

time. All they have to do is talk for 30
seconds and I’m off somewhere like Mars or Rome,

because it seems like all the words they’re saying
are strictly meant to impress me or make me

feel like shit in comparison to them. Like
they’re doing me a favor by talking to

me. Pfft. ‘I have a 138 I.Q.’
‘I graduated first in my class, yes sir.

With honors.’ ‘I have 36 double D
boobs, but you’ll never see them, so ha ha ha.’

It’s ridiculous. Brag, brag, brag. That’s all most
people do these days. They take selfies in front

of historical monuments so they can
say they’ve been there and you haven’t. Lucky them.”

I took a deep breath and looked at the woman.
“Not you, though. We’re just talking. Chit-chatting. We’re

enjoying each other’s company and I
appreciate that. You make me want to not

be gross, you know? Like I won’t pick my nose in
front of you and if I have to fart I’ll go

to Timbucktoo so you don’t have to hear it.”
The woman crinkled her nose and smiled. Her

bangs fell down in her face. It left me breathless.
“I’ve farted six times in the last ten minutes,”

she said. I couldn’t help but be impressed. “Wow,”
I said, noticing the lack of smell. “Just like

natural gas. Silent. Odorless…” “You’re gross,”
she said, hitting me in the arm and laughing

as her hand came to a rest on mine. It was
not pulled away. The wind picked up and the breeze

blew the leaves in the trees. A few of them fell.
Some fell harder than others, but none of them

made a sound. “Your farts are like the leaves,” I mused,
and she hit me again, harder this time. Once

more, she did it with a grin and I couldn’t
help but lean back to take her in. Her face turned

red and she smiled nervously. “What are you
looking at?” she asked, and I shook my head. “Well…”


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