EXT. SOUTH RIVERBANK – DAY
Lesley crawls to shore empty-handed and kneels
facing the water. The sword taps his right arm.
He looks up at the blurry tip of the blade,
then higher into the bright blue eyes of a
lady standing in the water. Her name is
Nina Avalon. Her brown hair is wild.
She speaks with a proper English accent and
has a mystical aura about her.
Care to explain why this nearly impaled me?
Did you say to yourself, “Look, there’s a
watery tart in the river, minding her business.
I know! I’ll heave a sword her way!”
What? No. I just jumped.
I know! Have you not been told to look first?
LESLEY stands up, hands in the air. NINA frowns at him.
Look, lady, I —
Where did you get this sword?
I…I found it.
Don’t be ridiculous. This sword found you.
Right. Whatever you say.
NINA looks down lovingly at the sword and
genuflects before Lesley. She stands and smiles.
Congratulations on your find, good sir. My
name is Nina, though some know me as The—
–weird homeless lady who camps under the bridge?
NINA, AKA, The Lady of the Lake
from Arthurian lore, laughs the way you would
expect a being of her stature to laugh
at an idiot like LESLEY JONES. He points…
May I have the sword back?
Of course. If you admit it found you.
LESLEY sighs. He reaches for it. NINA pulls away.
Don’t come near me, devil.
LESLEY stops in his tracks, recognizing the
line from the night before on the bus ride home.
What did you just say?
NINA grins, mischievously.
I told you. Stay back.
LESLEY rolls his eyes and reaches. NINA pulls away.
Watch it. I’m hard to be caught, you know.
He reaches again. NINA stabs the sword in
the river, grabs LESLEY and dunks him under
the water. Then up. Then down. Etcetera.
Each time Nina pulls his head up, Lesley yells…
What the Hell?! … Ok! Fine! …
The sword found me! … You crazy b–
NINA holds him under for a long moment,
then lets go. She grabs the sword and holds it out.
Put out thine hands.
He does. She smiles and begins to speak … loudly.
Go ye into yonder barge!!
LESLEY looks around, embarrassed. NINA pays no mind.
Row yourself to the sword!! Take it, and—
LESLEY snatches the sword…
Thank you … crazy.
…and walks under the bridge towards his suitcase.
EXT. NORTH RIVERBANK – DAY
BEA and DOUBLEYOU sit on the ground by the
suitcase playing their guitars. LESLEY steps out
from the other side, sees them, and stops walking.
The see him too, stop playing, smile and wave.
What’s going on, crazy?
LESLEY gulps and, hands shaking, points the sword in
their general direction. The Psychopomp
Jax look at each other, nod, and begin
to strum a ditty on their guitars. BEA speaks…
You would be wise to listen to the Tale of the Tiger.
LESLEY raises an eyebrow. DOUBLEYOU slides
his hand down the neck and strums away. BEA sings…
A man was hunting boar in
the woods by Kollidam River.
He heard the ferocious roar
of a tiger that made him quiver.
BEA strums the melody. DOUBLEYOU plays a
lead. They grin at LESLEY – he’s confused. Bea sings…
The man ran up a tree and
barely escaped the wild beast,
but the tiger was smarter than the
man, so it waited below for the feast.
They strum their guitars, hard and fast, then stop and
grin at LESLEY. He claps, politely. They frown.
What’s your name, dude?
The Jax turn and whisper back and forth. LESLEY
moves his suitcase a few feet away and sits.
You look nervous. Something wrong?
LESLEY shakes his head. He points at their guitars…
You turned your guitars into weapons.
BEA and DOUBLEYOU laugh.
Of course we did. That’s what musicians do.
LESLEY squints, skeptically. BEA smiles.
“Something’s happening, but you don’t
know what it is, do you Mister Jones?”
Pffft. Are you Bob Dylan or something?
BEA shakes his head and gestures towards DOUBLEYOU.
Nope. My name is Bea. I’m one-
half of The Pyschopomp Jax, and
you, sir, are out of luck, right Dub?
They stand, do a handshake, switch positions and
grin like villains. LESLEY shakes his head and laughs.
Why do you call yourselves that?
They strum the melody to Auld Lang Syne and sing…
We dooo, because we dooo, because
we dooo, because we doooooo…
They stop playing and sneer, wickedly. To the
left, we hear tree branches breaking as BART QUINN
crashes through the foliage and into the
water. DOUBLEYOU and BEA stand up and run.