EXT. FIELD – DAY
Two men with guitars slung across their backs step through the trees.
One is tall and thin with wild hair and a crazy look in his eyes…
A brief explanation:
This man’s name is Doubleyou. The idea
was to have Jack White play his role. “More on this
later…” leaves off here. This is what my screenplay
looks like. Well … kind of. It’s not formatted right,
but you get the idea, yeah? Just read this
like you’re watching a movie on the big screen.
Try to imagine seeing Jack White and Jack
Black – the guy I wanted to play the other
man in this scene, a dude named Bea. He’s short and
stocky, with a crazier look in his eyes….
EXTERIOR: FIELD – DAYTIME
Lesley hurries to his case. The men follow.
“Hold up, moon-doggie!”
LESLEY stops and turns, questioning what he just
heard. He sees the guitars have knives tied to the
headstocks like bayonets and both men have Jack
playing cards tattooed on their arms. He squints at
the shorter one and recognizes him as…
BEA (as Jack Black)
Uh … Augie. He’s a character from a movie called Airborne.
What the hell is Airborne?
LESLEY shakes his head like, “forget it.” BEA frowns.
DOUBLEYOU elbows him in the arm and nods.
DOUBLEYOU (as Jack White)
Aces and Eights?
BEA looks over. He seems annoyed. He nods back.
The men do a weird handshake and switch places,
then pull their guitars around. LESLEY looks for
BART, but he’s nowhere to be seen. He turns back.
The men are smiling as they tune their guitars.
I hope you’re not trying to cross the bridge.
There was a riot last night and the town’s off limits.
We camped out at the Kickapoo Corral last night.
(Quick note: This is a real place in Kansas. It’s
just a coincidence.) LESLEY is confused.
Kickapoo’s not a real place. It’s the town from
Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny.
BEA looks at DOUBLEYOU, who shrugs.
Is that another movie?
It sounds stupid.
BEA gives DOUBLEYOU a dirty look, then turns to LESLEY…
The Kickapoo Corral is about half-a-mile down the river.
It’s by the whirlpool north of the dam.
LESLEY seems confused. This irritates BEA.
The Tunnel Mill Dam? Across from Highland Cemetery?
LESLEY is clueless.
How do you not know what I’m talking about?
You guys look familiar. Are you from around here?
BEA looks at DOUBLEYOU. They seem surprised.
Sixes and sevens?
BEA looks LESLEY up and down, then nods.
They do a different handshake and switch positions. WHOOSH.
LESLEY thinks he’s IN HIS HEAD, using his inner monologue…
But … he’s dead. His thoughts are broadcast out loud. As
he looks them up and down, he says nothing, but…
LESLEY (VOICE OVER)
What are you two supposed to be? A gang?
Do you think you’re the fucking Warriors?
BEA and DOUBLEYOU look at each other and grin. LESLEY laughs.
Or the Gramercy Riffs? Yeah…
Right! We’re a band called Psychopomp Jax.
I’m Bea. That’s Doubleyou. We rock faces.
WHOOSH. LESLEY blinks, hard, then shakes his head.
He’s not sure how they heard him. He tries to cover it…
B and W, like the letters?
The men shoulder their guitars. DOUBLEYOU smirks.
No. Doubleyou and Bea, like us. Just two guides.
Did you say guides or guys?
Nevermind. So you’re a band, huh?
Yeah. We’re goin’ to Wichita.
BEA nods. LESLEY chuckles and shakes his head.
“Far from this opera forever more”?
They don’t laugh. LESLEY clears his throat, embarrassed.
It’s a line from a song by The White Stripes.
What kind of idiot would write something like that?
DOUBLEYOU elbows BEA in the ribs.
Bea ignores him and points at LESLEY’s sword.
Are you going to use your Vorpal to slay the Jabberwock?
Am I gonna do what?
He’s askin’ if you’re gonna use the sword.
LESLEY shrugs. DOUBLEYOU grins, wickedly.
If you ain’t gonna use it, just give it to us.
LESLEY recognizes the line and rubs his head.
BEA turns to DOUBLEYOU and speaks softly.
What do you mean us? If he gives it to
anyone he’s giving it to me. I saw it first.
DOUBLEYOU shakes his head. BEA swings his
guitar around and points the knife at Doubleyou, then
raises his right hand, as if he’s going to play his guitar.
Do you quarrel? Then draw, if you’re a man!
Prepare to be struck by my strumming blows!
DOUBLEYOU pulls his guitar around. LESLEY backs away.
Crows fly out of the trees. Lesley sprints for the bridge.
BEA and Doubleyou watch him run away and frown.
Why’s he running?
EXT. BRIDGE – DAY
LESLEY steps onto the bridge. He sees a police car
blocking access to downtown and races towards it
for help. The lights flash. A cop gets out and
points his weapon. Lesley stops, panicked.
He turns the other direction. BEA and DOUBLEYOU
step onto the bridge behind him and wave. Lesley
looks at the south railing, then back at the cop. He runs
to the railing, tosses the sword and jumps after it…