Free Willy!


So there’s this movie called Contact, with Jodie
Foster, Tom Skerritt, Jake Busey and Matthew

McConaughey and … “All right. All right. All right.”
They talk to aliens or something. Who knows?

The point of the movie is not that life is out
there, at least not in my humble opinion.

I’m pretty sure it’s a movie about the
absence of proof that God exists and how you

can’t explain something that’s unexplainable
to people who haven’t gone through what you have.

It’s like Kurt Warner winning the Super Bowl
a year after he was bagging groceries

or Jim Harbaugh thanking “His Lord and Saviour,”
after every Colts win in the playoffs. “Playoffs?

Are you kidding me? Playoffs?” How great was Jim
Mora, right? Remember when Jim Everett

flipped over the table on Jim Rome’s set? Why?
Because Rome called him Chris … and Chris played tennis…

and Chris didn’t have a penis. Because Chris
was a woman. Jim was calling Jim a …. well,

you get the picture. Where was I? Oh yeah. Kurt
Warner and his wife with her cancer and her

pixie cut. Have you seen her lately? My God.
Kurt got a Super Bowl ring and a trophy

wife. Why? Because he made his peace with The Lord.
Back to Contact. The movie starts out with a

girl and her father standing on their porch in
God-knows-where and receiving a radio

transmission from Pensacola, Florida
This motivates her for the rest of her life.

She becomes a mad scientist on the hunt
for extra-terrestrial intelligence

and winds up on an island working on the
same enormous satellite James Bond fought on

in Goldeneye. She meets Matt McConaughey
and he tries to convince her God exists. She

resists. They have sex anyway. She leaves him.
Or he leaves her. One of those is right. The rest

of the movie is about Jodie making
contact with space beings from the star Vega.

Long-story-short, she ends up traveling there
and finds her father, who talks to her on a

beach that looks just like the one she drew as a
child after making contact with the HAM

radio operator she met in the
opening scene of the movie. Then she wakes

up in the device and is told she really
went nowhere. She swears up and down that she was

on a foreign world talking to an ET,
but no one will believe her. It’s like God, right?

You just believe he (or she) (or them) (or it)
exists or you do not. It’s your choice. It’s called…


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