Effin … Work.


A funny thing happened the other day on
a delivery. I walked up to this house

and there, under an old carport, was a boat
named “Cindy Lou.” The number 3662

was painted on the bow … or the stern. I should
know this. I was in the Navy, for God’s sake,

but I never once went out on a ship. Five
long years wearing dress whites and blues – crackerjacks,

they call them. The working whites are called milkmen.
Forecastle is pronounced folk-soul and that brings

me back around to Bob Dylan, because that
boat was for sale and I know he enjoys time

spent on the water with his lovely ladies.
Just look at how he dressed in the seventies.

Ahoy, captain. Thar be land. Man the bilge pump.
Hey Bob … should I buy an old, old wooden desk,

take it to the middle of Times Square, stand on
it and scream, “Oh Captain, my Captain!” at the

top of my lungs? Would anyone even know
I was quoting Walt Whitman, or would they think

about the climactic scene in Dead Poets
Society, featuring Robin Williams?

What if Taylor Momsen walked past and saw me
up on my desk, stomping my boot heels, crowing

about cigarettes and Triumph motorbikes?
She’s ten feet tall, so I’m sure I’d notice her.

If presented with the opportunity,
I’d whip out my phone and pull up the picture

I took the other day of the boat for sale
under the carport. Maybe she’d laugh. Maybe

she’d cluck her tongue and roll her eyes. Then she’d sniff.
I’d offer her a handkerchief and tell her

another interesting tidbit about
the delivery to the house with the boat.

Inside, on their coffee table, was a sealed
copy of Flight of the Navigator, a

Disney movie made in the eighties, starring…
no one, really. Joey Cramer? I wonder

if he’s related to the guy who played Q
B for the Minnesota Vikings. Who knows?

Anyway, Sarah Jessica Parker is
in it. She talks about Twisted Sister, the

band with Dee Snyder as their crazy singer.
Also, Pee Wee Herman plays the voice of the

alien spaceship. You can imagine how
annoying that gets. “Back to the point, Taylor…”

I’d say. On the back of the DVD case
it says Mark Damon is an Executive

Producer. That can’t be the guy from your band …
can it? Is he that old? No? Didn’t think so.

Just two odd coincidences, I suppose.
It’s 10:10. I have to go to work. T.T….


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