…in the blistering sun. Dust on my face and
my cape.” And we’re back from break. All right. So… So.
Bob and Virgil work in a call center. What
happens next? Right. The call center. They take calls
from dead people. Sometimes they’re famous. Bob gets
Tennyson at least once per week. He’s listed
as what we refer to as a problem, slash
excessive caller. He never shuts up. Oh?
I know. It’s annoying. Bob thinks so too. “All
Lord Alfred wants is Lord Byron’s phone number,”
Is a quote from the screenplay. Do you get that?
Do I get what? Nevermind. Just forget it.
The point is, these dead people call and Bob talks
to them on the phone. He’s easily frazzled.
Virgil’s drunk most of the time. He mostly leans
back in his chair and watches the action. Bob
has no idea he’s dead? Nope. Virgil thinks
it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard, and
has sworn all the employees to secrecy.
Hilarity ensues. Blah, blah, blah. On this
day, however… Bob goes home early from work
and finds his fiancé Trudy Eau Claire with
her father, moving all her things into a
U-Haul truck parked in the drive. They exchange words…
And Trudy is Medusa? Yes. Mmm hmm. She’s
Based on Medusa. She has frozen Bob’s world.
Even in death, he’s trapped in the cycle of
life. He just keeps going around in circles.
Trudy is a bit … os·ten·ta·tious. Yeah, she’s
a mixture of Lady Gaga and Mona
Lisa Vito from My Cousin Vinny. She
makes Bob’s life a living hell. She paints … poorly.
After she leaves, Bob gets in a car wreck, yes?
Yes, and this is kind of like Neo being
flushed out of The Matrix dream world of Limbo
and fully aware of his surroundings. In
otherwords, the curtain has been drawn? Yes ma’am.
He wakes up in Virgil’s house, alone and scared.
Then he wanders down the hall and into the
living room, where Virgil almost KO’s him
with a bowl of cornflakes. Bob stands up and looks
around. He asks why there are steel bars and boards
covering every door and window in the
ransacked little house. Virgil lies and tells him
the apocalypse has occurred. Right. He asks
Bob to stay there, get drunk and watch movies, but
how does Virgil watch movies? Uh … reel-to-reel?
I don’t get it. Neither do I. Anyway,
Virgil was called “The Magician,” back in the
days before Christ was born … or created by
man. Who the hell knows anymore? The point is,
Virgil can swing his bat in a circle and
things magically happen for him in his
realm: Limbo. On the borderline of Heaven
and Hell. Bob thinks he’s in Kentucky and that
the River Styxx is really the Ohio.
Yeah. He wants to cross. Tells Virgil he has a
mission and her name is Grace. Virgil heckles
him for a minute, saying “Trudy just left,”
over and over until Bob finally
screams at Virgil to shut up and the building
shakes violently. Virgil’s eyes get wide and
he nods his head, slowly. Penitently. Bob,
head buried in his hands, confesses his love
for “the one who got away,” his old high school
crush: Grace Ruth. Virgil almost chokes on his wine,
grabs his baseball bat and stares at the name on
it: Babe Ruth. The Great Bambino … The Sultan
of Swat … The Colossus of Clout and so on.
Is Grace Babe Ruth’s daughter? What? No. It’s just a
strange coincidence. Virgil takes it as a
sign from God. Yeah, Virgil is like that. He’s nuts.
And drunk. Very drunk. Whines a lot, too. He is
constantly complaining about Dante. Why?
Well … Virgil hates Dante. He blames him for his
situation, never realizing that
he didn’t have to go back home when he was
done. He just did it out of habit and got
stuck as the first person you meet when you get
to Limbo. And some souls ask for safe passage?
Yes, the way Dante Alighieri did. Writers,
musicians and so on. And Bob? Bob just showed…