When I typed the word absolution into
the Google search bar, “Ab Solution” was the
first thing its predictive text suggested. I
guess it’s a workout program, like eight minute
abs. You know what would be killer? Seven min-
That’s a bit from There’s Something About Mary.
Sorry. This isn’t about movies or abs.
It’s about the song “Absolution” by The
Pretty Reckless and the lyrics to said song.
See what I did there? Pay attention, now, please.
An adult is speaking. Ahem. lifts leg … farts
How does it smell? Oh my Lord … deviled eggs, right?
With paprika? Claro que si! That means, “of
course,” you ignorant heathens – my bretheren.
(Bretheran? Breth… ) My family. My miscre-
ants? I can only spell simple words. Better
pull out my rhyming dictionary and flip
to page 38 to get back on track. So…
from the top: See you later, segregator,
subjugator, discriminator, ego-
-inflator. Emancipator, sooner or
later. Common denominator? Big time
elevator operator. Going up?
Not if you listen to Aerosmith’s Dream On
or take the advice of the mad hatter, a
rhyme located on page thirty-nine, below
have at her and above meat platter. This is
no laughing matter. Hear the pitter patter
in the supposedly empty walls of your
shack and know the antimatter’s main subject
matter is you, as you work your way up the
human ladder in an attempt to evolve.
To what? From what? For what purpose? What’s right? What’s
wrong? What’s left? What the hell is going on? That’s
from a Warrant song, and I don’t like that it’s
in my brain, but it is, along with many
other things that go bump and grind in the night.
Back to the song I was looking up. It’s called
“Absolution,” and it’s track 10 on Going
to Hell, the second album by the band I
gush about all the time. What can I say? They
rock, and so does this song. Here is one lyric:
“We’re all crucified in the end.” Now look at
their album cover and at least chuckle. “In
the end, it doesn’t even matter.” That’s a
line from a goddamned Linkin Park track. Booo! … Boooooo!
The actual definition of the word
absolution is, “the act of forgiving
someone for having done something wrong or sin-
-ful.” My fav’rite line from the song is, “Time keeps…