On a Fine New York City Afternoon…


Ricky: So … today was fun. I enjoyed this.
Lucy: Me too. This was a good time. Yes. But…

I have to take a stand. Go right ahead. Pearl Jam
was a better band than Nirvana. gasp No!

Yes. Seriously. Listen to them play their
instruments. Pearl Jam is superior. So?

Nirvana was more important. I don’t care.
I just want something to enjoy when I’m stoned

by penniless paupers trying to drag me
down into the holes they’re in. They’re wound too tight,

like Kurt Cobain’s strings. Listen, Nirvana songs
aren’t about music… Neither are people.

Maybe their mothers didn’t love them enough. 
You sound like a Disney movie. Oh? You sound

like an asshole. Ever listen to Volbeat?
I hate you. I hate you more. Not possible.

Oh, it’s possible, sweetheart. Believe me. Now
hear this, Pearl Jam was the Nickelback of the

nineties with a little Stain’d thrown in for good
measure. So what? They rock. Soundgarden’s better.

Alice in Chains, too. You like Stone Temple Pi-
I will literally kill you in front of

all these people if you finish that sentence.
And how dare you compare Eddie Vedder to

Chad Kroger? If I knew where your thorax was
I would punch you in it. I’ll carve your heart out

with the small stick I used to stir my coffee.
What is this, anyway? Cardboard? Recycled

toilet paper. Don’t change the subject. Pearl
Jam– Do you want to go have sex? Yes. Check, please.


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