Ever hear that Katy Perry song E.T.?
Of course you have. It’s ubiquitous. If you
haven’t heard it, it has the same 1-2-3
drum beat that’s in … oh, I don’t know … ev’rything?
We Will Rock You by Queen is one of them. None
others spring to mind at the moment, but they’re
out there, buddy. Thick as flies. Count ‘em: One, two…
three. 1-2-3. One two three. “Buddy you’re a
boy making big noise.” Those are my parents. I’ve
got mud on my face. I’m a big disgrace to
them and people like them. They keep their noses
in the air and sit in ivory towers.
They claim to hate Garth Brooks, but deep down … they don’t.
He’s fun. He’s a honey badger. He does not
give a fuck about you or what you think, but
he’s willing and able to act the part when
the need arises. Garth Brooks is a dork. Yes.
So? The man loves music. He gets music. He
seems like a great guy. Why’s he always wearing
that hat when he sings for 6,000 people
inside an auditorium in New York
or the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles?
Maybe he’s bald. I feel his pain. I’m bald too.
So? It matters, though, to most people, at least.
Imagine Matt Hasselbeck in a hat. That
guy wins a Super Bowl or two, right? “We want
the ball and we’re going to score!” That’s what wearing
a hat does for you. It’s anonymity.
Almost. People can still see your face, but in
football they wear helmets with cages built on.
What’s the point? We judge people by their hair or
their laundry. I have friends in Ohio who
literally hate people from Michigan
and they have no idea why. It makes no
sense to them, but they do it anyway. Why?
Because it is what everyone else does.
The need to fit in, even with friends, is strong.
That’s life, in a nutshell. Just ask Mike Myers.
I think he said it best as Austin Powers…