Today at work I met a cat named Lucy.
Maybe it was short for Lucille. She was black,
with yellow eyes and mangy fur. Super nice.
Just walked right up and started rubbing my leg.
I was as surprised as some of you might be
to find out Taylor Momsen wants me to make
like a tree … or an Ent … and get out of here.
How many Led Zeppelin songs reference Lord
of the Rings? Randall said it best, when he said:
The only return is of the Jedi … and
that’s the worst of the first trilogy. Lucy
the cat? She was real. Josh saw her today too.
And the smell? You should have smelled it. Oh brother…
It was … well… I’ve smelled my fair share of dead folk.
Spoiler alert: it stinks in Bangladesh.
But that’s neither here nor there. We’re on earth, right?
Yeah. All right. Let’s cheaply build a reactor
right on the shore of one of the four major…
“Ocean, The:” The best Led Zeppelin song. In this
case, Zeppelin has two syllables. Only two:
Zepp and Lin. Us? We’re like Charlie Brown and…
Who held the football for Ray Finkle? Was it…
It’s not a woman, it’s a man, baby. Yeah.
It’s Lola. It’s Caitlyn Jenner. It is what…
What? Hmm? Caitlyn Jenner? What about her? Oh.
Her? Are you telling me you just want to talk
About who she is and why she matters? Guess
what? She doesn’t fucking matter. She does, sure,
in a “people pay attention to her plight”
sort of way. Kids? Are you seeing all this plight?”
“Gunshots ring out like a bell. I grabbed my nine…”
“Roll ‘em up,” that’s what Dr. Robert Bossert
said when he sealed James Dean up in a body
bag, and who among us doesn’t love Daniel-
san and wise-old Mister Miyagi? Wait … was
Pat Morita being racist? He was from…
New Jersey, right? What about Bruce Springsteen? He’s
The Boss, right? Yeah … right. He was born there too. New
Jersey: the gaping, flatulent asshole of…
America. The people who love Jersey
can’t fucking stand Guernsey or its enormous
cow. Come on … don’t you get that one? It’s just a
Bob Dylan reference: he’s my Rosetta
Stone. Everything I own I’ve stolen from him.
Just as he did when he was trying to find…
God? Yeah, she talks to me. So? She’s awesome. She’s…
not a He. She’s a She. At least for me she
is. It’s my choice, right? Right. I think God is love.
She is every woman. She’s not a he
or a she or even an it. She is just…
like a… Man, I don’t know. Grab your keys and
get on a plane to Mississippi. Go through
The Delta with some friends. Megh, me, you. Lucy?
Taylor Momsen? | taps microphone … “Is this thing…