“Robespierre, if you drink the Hemlock, I’ll drink
it with you.” David the painter quipped that one.
He was just referencing Socrates, who
said, and I quote … ‘I drank what?’ Hemlock? Bullshit!
Think back to Top Gun, when Maverick quits on
Charlotte and Ice Man, Viper, Jester … all of
them. He’s in the airport bar, Charlie walks in
says, “I’ll have what he’s having. Hemlock, is it?”
“Ice water,” Tom Cruise replies, still wearing the
same white t-shirt he wore in every scene.
Back to the drink. Mine is not Hemlock … is it?
Is it? Seriously … is it water? Wait.
Gray skies, wild and tempestuous … why me,
God? I’m just a … well … you fill in the rest, k?
I’m whatever you need me to be, so grab
your keys. Once bitten by power you stay bit-
ten. Ten? These go to eleven, as per the
norm. It’s the quiet before the storm, eh? Eh?
Terror? Lies? Hypocrisy? Enough already.
I convinced Mom and Pop to change their pup’s name.
They did … to Shelbie … i.e.. I suggested
Mandy, like that song by Barry Manilow.
It really was about his dog, you know why?
Because that pet was so loyal and sweet. I
mean, look at Barry Manilow, for God’s sake.
He’s a lonely guy. It’s all in his eyes, right?
Remember when John Bender – that’s Judd Nelson
(aka Hot Rod, aka Rodimus
Prime in the cartoon Transformers movie from
1986) made fun of his wardrobe?
Leisure suits and high collars like Sly Stallone
back in his pornography days. What a waste
of time that was. He wrote Rocky, for God’s sake.
Who sings that song Eye of the Tiger? Is it
Survivor or Katy Perry? One of those
is probably right. I’ll tell you who it’s not:
Taylor fucking Momsen. She is so damned hot.
Her voice sounds like revelations. Sweet heavens,
lady … you are a bad ass with a sweet axe
and a leading way of singing in rolling
waves of timbre and tone. Goodness gracious, great
balls of fire, she’s a killer queen. Ready
Freddy? Pay attention because this is quite
important. That girl is a knife. Her band is
the arm. God is the brain controlling them all.
And now, introducing The Pretty Reckless:
On guitar and backing vox, Ben Phillips. Yaaay.
Picture Kermit saying it, you swine. Not me.
On bass for the band, Mark Damon. Mark! Damon!
Picture Matt, the Team America version
saying his name over and over. Banging
drums with wooden styxx is Jamie Perkins. He
will spontaneously combust in July.
Fireworks at midnight! All right! Outta sight. Sell
abrasions. Revolutions. Evolution?
Unshun. Wake up and smell the coffee. It’s hot
like Taylor Momsen. Yes, back to her again.
I hope she knows the world is her oyster. Aaand
reshun. Let’s hope for some inspiration from
blue-eyed blue birds who need a vacation. So…