“Last night I tried to let it slide…”

LightsaberCSWE

I believe that’s a line from Steppenwolf,
but the words or spelling may be incorrect.

One thing they are not is wrong. Last night I made
a video of Anakin Skywalker

fighting Obi Wan Kenobi – they dueled with
Swords of Light. Wait. S … words. S … Cars. S … Cars go.

Ever seen Trading Places? Must I repeat
the joke, or do you get it already? I

am not being smug. I really do not know
what you do or do not understand, ya know?

I just tend to assume I’m the last one to
understand anything. I’m technologic-

ally retarded. That’s not a slam, Corky.
He’s from that show 30 Something. Oh-blah-dee?

You know it, brother. Back to Ben Kenobi…
that old hermit lied to Luke so many times…

A few weeks ago my pal ‘Bama Josh showed
me a meme … how do you pronounce that? I say

mem. One syllable. What do you say? Me
me? Maim? Really? Again, I’m just retarded

when it comes to modern terminology.
Retarded: characterized by a slowness

or limitation in intellectual
understanding and awareness. Yep. That’s me.

Like I told Seamus at Paddy O’Leary’s,
So what? Big whoop. Wanna fight about it? Is

guitar dead? Not according to Taylor Mom-
sen. Say it swiftly or don’t say it at all, right

Ms. Funny Little Wrecking Ball? Hey Miley,
why don’t you learn to play an instrument or

two? Remember when you pranced around to Smells
Like Teen Spirit and some asshole called you out

for it? You changed your whole image, didn’t you?
You and yours could be beacons of light for blues

and the history of music to shine through,
but do whatever you want, Honey Pot. Hey

Disney, thanks so much for banning my movie.
That’s the whole point of this story, right?

Right. I’m the one writing it. Telling it. Jax
and Opie and Clay? They just retold Hamlet,

which goes back to Egyptian myths and legends.
The Matrix is tied in too. Morpheus and

Keanu: two dudes in blue. Bad boys, bad boys,
what’cha gonna do? What was the name of

the ship in The Matrix? I can’t recall. Can
you? Anyway, the movie I made? It was

Anakin and Obi Wan fighting to Duel
of the Fates, the one song we all know from the

new edition of the holy trilogy.
I slowed down and edited the battle. It

was a thing to behold. Everything synced
up just so. When that music ended, Thunder

Kiss ’65 began. I’m telling you, it
was cool and somehow ended just when the song

did, then I added video of Obi
Wan telling Luke his father “wanted him to

have his lightsaber.” Pffft! We know that’s a lie.
That’s why I mentioned the meme (one syllable)

earlier. A few weeks ago he showed me
one of those pictures with text about that scene.

I laughed so hard Pepsi flew out my nose and
onto the steering wheel. Back to the vid-

eo … e … oh. E? Oh. Morris Day and the
Time just popped into my head. My bad. My brain

is scrambled. Disney took down my video
last night, X minutes after I posted it

on YouTube. Why, Disney? It’s free to watch, yeah?
Do you really care so much about money

that a Star Wars nerd can’t show another one
a clip because it violates copyrights?

You’re out of your mind, right? Who do you think you
are, Disney? That goes for you too, Columbia

or NBC … whoever banned the Hunter
S. Thompson tribute clip I made when he died.

It was a thing of beauty set to Mister
Tambourine Man, by Bob Dylan. There were frames

with Johnny Depp and Bill Murray playing the
man, and he himself was in it often, but

the music was removed because I infringed
on some faceless corporations profits. Uh…

I didn’t ask any money to watch it.
I just wanted to do something nice. So what?

What gives you the right to censor what we see?
Maybe I should change my name to Orwell, eh?

Hey … Disney … set my movie free. I’ll shut up.
I’m not trying to cause a ruckus, ok?

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