Vice-versa. No, not that rip-off of Freaky
Friday starring Kevin Arnold and Judge Rein-
hold onto your hats, this one is about my
second script. It’s done … one won ten pages. It
took me a while, sure, but it’s all in place
now. Here’s how it begins: there’s a man in a
call center. His name is Bob. Bob Mishkin, which
is the same last name as the protagonist
in Dostoyevsky’s The Idiot. That’s me.
I just named the character Bob cuz of old
man Dylan. Anyway, Bob works with a dude
named Virgil Maro. What Bob doesn’t know is
Virgil is actually The Virgil, of
Aeneid fame. The one who prophesized Christ’s
birth. Or was that rebirth, like a firebird?
Ever been stuck in Mobile with the Memphis
Blues? Check out the Phoenix Fire Station. It’s
cool. Moving on, the character of Bob is
dead already, he just doesn’t remember.
In his mind he went to college and met a
lady named Trudy. In reality it
was Medusa and her posse. Her Syrens.
Hang on, Mom just called. Oh, they got a new dog.
It’s name is Bailey, right? That’s what you told me.
No, she replies. We changed it to Kelsie. Uhhh…
Mom? Really? Are you kidding me? What’s wrong with
Bailey? I thought you named her Bailey. That was
her name, Mom replied. She was the star of an
old TV show back in the fifties … maybe.
I had stopped paying attention at that point.
Someone put a gun to my head and pull the
trigger, please. This reality’s too weird for
me. “Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride.” H.S.T.
Jesus Christ, Mom … couldn’t you have changed it to
Zimmy or Ziggy or Dizzy Gillespie?
What’s that line by Johnny Cash in Boy Named Sue?
Bill or George! Any-damned thing but Sue, I still…